The ‘pack pony’ mothers who can’t bear to let their four-year-olds stand on their own two feet

  • Hayley Halford, 33, carries her daughter Finnella, four, in a sling on her back 
  • She also wears her six-month-old son in sling strapped to her front 
  • 'Toddler wearing' is latest trend in attachment-style parenting movement 

When Hayley Halford sets off for the supermarket, she lifts her daughter Finnella into her sling and buckles her onto her back, so that mother and daughter can feel the warmth of each other’s bodies and chat at eye level. 

So far, so normal. After all, this practice of ‘babywearing’, part of the ‘attachment parenting’ movement, has been popular for years.

But take a look at Finnella — she’s no baby. She is a lively, walking, talking four-year-old, who weighs more than 3 st. That’s about as much as 19 bags of sugar.

Hayley Halford, 33, from Whitchurch, Hampshire, carries her daughter Finnella, four, in a sling on her back. She also wears her six-month-old son Indiana in a sling strapped to her front

Hayley Halford, 33, from Whitchurch, Hampshire, carries her daughter Finnella, four, in a sling on her back. She also wears her six-month-old son Indiana in a sling strapped to her front

Even more remarkable is the fact that Finnella has a six month-old baby brother, Indiana, who Hayley also wears in a sling strapped to her front, adding another stone to her load.

When Hayley’s out and about, she can look like a rather comical ‘pack pony’.

While many may question the need for a child of Finnella’s age, weight and height to be carried in this way, Hayley believes sling wearing her daughter is not only convenient and practical, but allows them quality one-on-one time, which is advancing Finnella’s vocabulary and making her feel loved and secure.

‘When I carry Finnella on my back, our heads are at the same level and she can look around and talk about what we’re both seeing,’ says Hayley, 33, a drama therapist from Whitchurch, Hampshire. ‘It’s so lovely to be able to be so close and chat away.’

The aching joints, wobbly legs and strange looks, she adds, are a small price to pay for this unique closeness they are able to share.

While most parents would be glad of a pushchair when their toddlers start walking, ‘toddler wearing’ is the latest trend among those who ascribe to the philosophy of attachment-style parenting, which also advocates co-sleeping and feeding on demand.

Not only is there an explosion in the number of babywearing retailers online for all ages, but 127 ‘Sling Libraries’ have sprung up nationwide since 2007, offering sling hire from £5 a week and expert advice on choosing the right product.

‘Most slings and carriers on the UK market are weight- tested to 4 st, which covers the majority of children that people want to carry,’ says Emily Taylor, director of Coventry Slings C.I.C, a sling hire and consultancy service.

Lauren Gordon, 27, from Norfolk, still carries her three-year-old son, Dilon, in a sling and swears it’s the reason for their closeness 

Lauren Gordon, 27, from Norfolk, still carries her three-year-old son, Dilon, in a sling and swears it’s the reason for their closeness 

‘There are toddler and preschool versions, but you can comfortably carry most children in a “baby size” carrier, or slings like a woven wrap grow with the child.’

For Hayley, who has 20 slings of different colours and styles, the advantages of carrying an older child are countless.

‘It provides special bonding time,’ she says. ‘It works especially well when we’re in busy places such as out shopping or at a market, when it can be quite intimidating for Finnella to be down on the ground.’

Hayley claims the carrier also works wonders for taming toddler tantrums. ‘I just lift Finnella onto my back and she’s immediately distracted and soothed and will go limp and quiet,’ she says.

‘It’s her safe, secure space, and she can often fall asleep in there if she’s tired or feeling poorly. If we’re out for a long walk, it’s perfect for giving her little legs a break.’

 It provides special bonding time. It works especially well when we’re in busy places such as out shopping or at a market, when it can be quite intimidating for Finnella to be down on the ground

As Finnella gets older and heavier, Hayley carries her only two or three times a week, for no longer than an hour at a time.

‘The slings are fantastic for spreading the weight evenly across my back but, after too long, especially if I’m carrying both children, it is quite hard,’ admits Hayley.

She says she often gets comments from strangers in the street — not all positive. ‘Some of them see Finnella in the sling and ask: “Can she not walk?” Or they make a comment about her not getting enough exercise and I try to bite my tongue.

‘The truth is Finnella can walk for a long time and is very independent. They just don’t get it. I know they think I’m mollycoddling her, but people expect kids to grow up so quickly these days. She’s still so little.’

Infant carrying is nothing new. In many cultures, toddlers remain strapped to their mothers for the first six months and are then carried around — for their own safety — for as long as is comfortable.

Although less popular in the West, with our penchant for expensive, designer prams and obsession with ‘advancing’ our children to independence as soon as possible, there has been a creeping movement among mothers who admit they just don’t want to let go.

‘The sling provides older children with a secure space to come back to and is really just a comfortable, practical way of cuddling and holding your child for longer, which can only be a good thing,’ says Michelle McHale, founder of Attachment Parenting UK, which helps teach parents to trust their instincts and be sensitive to their child’s needs.

Katie Briggs, 33, from Eastbourne, East Sussex, believes the sling is responsible for boosting the conversational skills of her three-and-a-half-year-old daughter Daisy

Katie Briggs, 33, from Eastbourne, East Sussex, believes the sling is responsible for boosting the conversational skills of her three-and-a-half-year-old daughter Daisy

‘It builds strong physiological and emotional habits within the child for comfort and gives them positive memories and associations.’

You don’t need to tell Lauren Gordon any of this.

The 27-year-old stay-at-home mother from Norfolk still carries her three-year-old son, Dilon, in a sling and swears it’s the reason for their closeness.

‘I love the strong bond we have, and that has definitely been added to by babywearing,’ explains Lauren, who split from Dilon’s father when he was a baby.

‘Just being able to hold him and cuddle him for longer periods when he wants to be close is great, and it wouldn’t be possible without a sling.’

Lauren carries him in a £100 ring sling, which is essentially a long piece of material that is fed through rings at each end and tightened to fit.

‘I spent £1,000 on an iCandy pram when he was born, but I found myself rarely using it. Nowadays, the longest time I’ll carry him is two hours and he’ll only ask to go in the sling about two to three times a week, as he loves running around.

‘But it’s so snuggly in there — it’s our special time and we both love it.’

But what does sling-wearing to such an advanced age do to a mother’s back?

 Lauren carries her son Dilon in a £100 ring sling, which is essentially a long piece of material that is fed through rings at each end and tightened to fit 

 Lauren carries her son Dilon in a £100 ring sling, which is essentially a long piece of material that is fed through rings at each end and tightened to fit 

Paediatric osteopath Coby Langford, based at the Soothe Clinic in Gwynedd, Wales, says the spine is actually very strong. ‘Experiments have shown that the spinal discs can carry one ton of weight before damage when centrally loaded (that’s almost the weight of a Mini car!),’ she says.

‘The catch is that the moment you take the spine out of the central position (forward, backwards, sideways and, most dangerously, into a twist) and carry weight, you start to place strains through structures and tissues and risk injury.

‘The longer you carry the load, the greater the strain on the tissues of the back and the greater the chance of back pain, neck pain and headaches.’

While carrying a heavier child on your back is preferable to your front, Coby is worried about mothers putting excessive strain on their bodies at a time when they are vulnerable.

‘Mothers after giving birth are especially vulnerable because their ligaments are weak and lengthened, their muscles are tight and exhausted from carrying a baby for nine months, and their core stability is completely non-existent.

‘This is why women have so much back pain anyway after giving birth.

 ‘When we’ve got her on our back, we’re physically close and can have a proper conversation. She sees things as Mummy does and feels much more a part of things

‘So carrying heavy weights at a time when their backs and spines are most vulnerable is not such a good idea.’

Professor Elizabeth Meins, of the Department of Psychology at the University of York, is keen to point out there are no evidence-based benefits to babywearing children at this pivotal age.

She says: ‘At three or four years old, children should be focusing on reaching the development milestones of making friends and learning language and play, and it’s difficult to see how babywearing can stimulate these types of things.

‘There are lots of ways you can have physical contact with your child that doesn’t involve carrying them around — you can sit on the floor with them and show them a book, have a cuddle, enjoy a pretend tea party or play a game.

‘These children are nearing school age and will have to make their own independent way very soon, so these are possibly more age-appropriate ways for a parent and child to connect.’

Dr Amy Tuteur, an obstetrician gynaecologist and author of Push Back: Guilt In The Age Of Natural Parenting, agrees. ‘The idea that babywearing promotes bonding is ridiculous,’ she says. ‘Bonding is going to happen regardless. It does not need to be chivvied along by constant physical proximity to the mother.

‘It is assumed that all babies have the same needs and all mothers have the same needs. As anyone who has more than one child can tell you, nothing could be further from the truth.

‘Some children want to be held; others want to explore. Some enjoy lots of cuddling and physical proximity. Others cherish their independence from a very early age.

‘A mother should decide whether to practise babywearing, and how long to do it, based on what the baby seems to want and what is compatible with the mother’s needs as well.

‘There’s nothing you can do while babywearing that you can’t do equally well without it.’

But, according to Katie Briggs, the sling does far more than just engineer close physical time with your child.

Katie, 33, from Eastbourne, East Sussex, believes the sling is responsible for boosting the conversational skills of her three-and-a-half-year-old daughter Daisy. ‘She was an early walker and talker. In fact, she has been early with everything and is very bright,’ says Katie. ‘I’m sure this is, in part, down to babywearing, with her always being so close to my husband Dave and I.

‘When we’ve got her on our back, we’re physically close and can have a proper conversation and talk much more than if she was three foot lower in a pushchair.

‘She sees things as Mummy does and feels much more a part of things.’

When Daisy was born, Katie paid £795 for a beautiful Silver Cross pram, but rarely used it beyond six weeks.

‘Daisy was a baby who needed contact as she was quite colicky, so when my sister gave me a Mothercare carrier when she was six weeks old, the relief was immediate,’ she says. ‘Daisy went from being an unhappy, hungry baby to being much calmer and peaceful.

‘It also helped massively with our breastfeeding journey because I held her on my front in those days and being so close to me helped the hormones with my milk production and allowed for easy access.’

Now that she’s older and heavier, Daisy is only carried a few times a week, for anything from ten minutes to two hours, in Katie’s preferred carrier — an Ergo, which cost her £95.

‘I use it if we go into town or when we go on day trips and she becomes tired or in need of a cuddle or some time out.’

She adds: ‘People definitely think it’s a bit weird and see me as an oddity.

‘There’s not many in our area that carry an older or younger child in a sling. One woman even said: “Oh, that kid will never walk”, but it’s not held Daisy back at all.

‘She can walk for a long time and runs around like every other three year old, but it gives her an extra bit of confidence to know that the sling is there, with that bond, if she wants it. People never seem to make the same comments when a three year old is in a pushchair.’

As for when she’ll give it up, that depends on Daisy.

‘I’ll probably use it until Daisy decides there’s no need or when we know that she can go out for the day without needing a rest,’ says Katie.

‘She will be going to school in September, and I can’t imagine using it to walk into school with her, so maybe we’ll give it up before then. But I’m in no rush.’

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