“Finding what works for you” – Jen’s story

Jen shares her experience dealing with suicidal thoughts, drawing attention to stigma and finding the right support.

I’m 39 years old and have struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember. I’ve experienced multiple bouts of suicidal ideation and self-harmed as a late teen, with occasional relapses into my mid-twenties. While I’ve never made a suicide attempt, there were times when I made plans.

I’ve always been high-functioning despite my mental health struggles. I kept going, pushing through. But over the past few years—especially in the last 12 to 18 months—I hit rock bottom. Years of battling with no real support, repeated dismissals from NHS mental health services, and the weight of stigma took their toll.

Suicidal thoughts don’t stem from wanting to hurt others or seeking attention. For me, they come from a place of deep emotional agony, a feeling of being utterly worthless, hopeless and exhausted from carrying my struggles alone. It’s not a desire to die—it’s an overwhelming belief that I will never be enough, that I wasn’t built for this world, and that I have no place in it.

It’s great that society is more open about mental health now. We’re recognising that many people experience struggles, that suicidal thoughts are not uncommon, and that there is no shame in them.

But at the same time, I’ve noticed a shift—where instead of encouraging people to seek help, the narrative often turns into: “Well, everyone struggles.” Just because struggles are common, it doesn’t mean anyone should be left to deal with them alone. When someone is in that kind of pain, the worst thing you can say is “Don’t be selfish,” “Think of others,” or “Just focus on the positives.”

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to mental health. For me, managing my wellbeing requires multiple angles—calming practices like meditation, breathwork, eating well, and exercising in a way that supports me rather than drains me. Instead of exhausting myself in the gym, I’ve found healing in walking, yoga, and stretching.

Social connection matters, but only in the right environment. Creative and calming activities help. And, most importantly, I’ve learned to tune into my own needs instead of getting caught up in what others think I should do.

The key is finding what works for you. If a particular therapy isn’t working, it’s okay to try something else. If a therapist doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to seek another. If a coping strategy doesn’t sit well with you, you are not failing—you just need a different approach. Too often, struggling individuals are made to feel as though they’re not trying hard enough or that they’re refusing help, when in reality, they simply haven’t been offered the right support.

Stigma still exists. But the more we talk about these realities, the more people will know that they are not alone — and that there is support out there.

If you’re struggling, please know this: There are always avenues of support. There are people who genuinely care and want to help. It might take time to find the right approach, but you are not beyond help. Keep advocating for your needs, even when it feels impossible.

Because life can get better.